


You're dynamite and I'm a Match (together we're an explosion)

by stillusesapencil



Series: Together we're an explosion [2]
Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Age Difference, Alex lives, Canon Compliant, F/M, I promise, Nothing underage though, Older Man/Younger Woman, Panic Attacks, Stay safe y'all, i don't want to trigger anyone accidentally, just a brief description of one, mostly - Freeform, post-apocolypse, the one from x-men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-09 03:57:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8874802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stillusesapencil/pseuds/stillusesapencil
Summary: He likes spending time with this girl—she’s open and bubbly in a way he finds refreshing.  She’s like an open book, ready for him to read.  It’s funny, how he’s drawn to her.  It’s just—she’s so bright, but so gentle at the same time.  Like a star, maybe.  He’s never been one for poetry.  Jubilee, well, she’s still so sweet and kind and good and all these words Alex is not.  The thing is, sometimes it doesn’t feel like innocent friendship on his part.  He wants to spend time with her, like any friend, but he normally doesn’t have fantasies of kissing his friends.  Fuck. He’s so screwed.





	1. Chapter 1

When Alex opens his eyes, everything is too quiet, too still. It’s all white and grey, shiny metal and plastic in a silent room. He sits up slowly, looking around. There are at least forty wires attached to him, and he frowns at the screens with the lines of moving light. _Where am I?_ He blinks a few times, thinking hard. _I know this place. I know this room._ He starts peeling off wires, pulling at the circles of adhesive, one by one. The screen starts beeping, but he really doesn’t care. 

The door across the room from him slides open with a compressed swish.

Raven, in her blue form, enters the room. “You’re up.”

“Raven.”

“It’s Mystique, actually.”

“Mystique.” He repeats his greeting in the exact same tone. “Surprised to see you here.” He never knows with her; who she is and what she wants. Sometimes he thinks she doesn’t know either.

“You mean surprised I haven’t run?” She starts pushing buttons on the screens and getting the beeping to stop. “I’m a teacher. And it’s been a year, Alex. If I haven’t run by now, I’m not going to.”

“It’s been a year?”

She nods, watching his face. “It’s 1984.”

He blinks. Well, it’s better than being dead. “Did I miss anything important?”

She peels wires off of him. “Nothing much. You okay?”

Alex nods slowly, feeling fire running in his veins waiting to burst out.

“Did everyone make it out okay?”

“Last year?”

“Yeah.”

“Everyone is fine. All the children.”

Alex takes a breath. She’s finished pulling wires off him now. “Charles restarted the X-men.”

X-men. “He started it again?”

“Yeah. With me leading it.”

Alex nods slowly. “Is there a place for me?”

She perches on the edge of the bed, serious-faced. “You realize a house fell on you, right?”

“But I’m not the wicked witch.”

She makes a sound in her throat and rolls her eyes, a hint of a smile on her face. “No, but you did manage to blow up the whole house, and then get trapped in the rubble.”

Alex blinks. “And I’m alive?”

Mystique sighs. “Yeah. It’s a long story.” She hops off the bed and tosses him a shirt. “Put that on.”

He pulls the shirt on over his head, wincing. His entire body aches like…well, like he had a house dropped on him. What he finds interesting is he still has muscle mass. He supposes it’s part of his cosmic-energy-absorbing powers. He catalogues the stiffness in his muscles, the cracking of his joints, and the quiet throbbing headache at the base of his skull. He feels a bit like someone stuffed cotton into his brain and stopped up the cogs and gears up there. It reminds him of having a fever.

By the time he’s dressed, Charles has entered the room.

“Alex. It’s good to see you.” A full smile splits his face.

The first thing out of his mouth is, “You’re bald!” Which, okay, is not the greatest thing to say when being reunited after a coma, but it was too late now.

Charles is laughing, and says, “Yes, it’s a side effect of my encounter with Apocalypse, I’m afraid.”

Alex nods again. “So did we win?”

“Yes, we won. It’s quite a tale.”

“Tell me.”

So for the next hour or so (honestly, he has no idea how much time passes) Charles tells how Apocalypse wrought war on the earth, but in the end was defeated.

Alex takes it all in, then goes back to the moment when he blew up the house. He has one memory: yelling _Hey, asshole!_ before blasting lasers everywhere. Not great final words, in hindsight. “So how did I live?”

Charles nods. “Ah. Yes. Your body absorbs energy, and then can expel it back out. You know this.”

Alex nods. “Yeah.”

“When the explosion reached you, your body absorbed the radiation. Peter was able to save everyone from the house before it exploded completely, but he missed you, as the blast had covered you. When the house blew up, you were buried in rubble, and we did not find you until Jean and I were rebuilding the house.” He clears his throat and his eyes flick from Alex’s face. 

Alex notices, digests this, and moves on. “And now you’re leading the X-men?”

“Yes.”

Mystique clears her throat. 

Charles has enough conscience to at least _look_ apologetic. “Well, I am the official leader, but she is the one who trains them.”

Something settles warm in Alex’s belly. It’s a feeling of familiarity. He knows this—being trained—he was in the army, and before that he was one of the first Charles trained. And with suddenly waking up in a new year, familiarity is good. He seizes on that thought long enough to say, “So can I join?” And maybe it was jumping in too soon, but he’s never been a sit-back-and-think kind of guy. He tends to just go.

“We would love to have you.” Charles is smiling, and he starts wheeling out the door. “Come with me.”

Alex follows him through the basement. 

“Down here is where all the training takes place. Now, we train all the high school students but we will not allow them to be involved in any combat until they are legal adults. Mystique trains them in the battle room.” He gestures at a door. “Cerebro, you’ll be glad to know, is working an active again.”

Alex smiles. “I’m almost disappointed with myself.”

Charles laughs a little in his throat, and opens the elevator. 

They go up to the mansion and the door opens to a thriving school. A child runs by, clutching books to her chest. A boy sprints after her, stops, concentrates, and stretches his legs out so he can catch up with her. 

“Alex!” Scott comes barreling out of a classroom to tackle his brother in a hug. 

“Scott!” He pushes the boy out at arm’s length.

“Oh man, did you ever scare me. This is—this is great!” 

A girl with red hair comes up behind Scott. “C’mon Scott, we have to go to Philosophy. Oh, hello Professor, Alex.”

He briefly wonders why she doesn’t seem at all surprised to see him, then remembers she can read everyone’s mind all the time. She probably knew the moment he woke up. Charles knew the moment he woke up.

Charles says, “Hello, Jean. I’ll be in to teach the class in just a moment.”

She nods at the group before walking away.

Scott’s eyes follow her down the hall.

“That your girl?” Alex asks.

Scott flushes, and Alex laughs, a good laugh, straight from his belly. “Hurry up, or someone else will claim her.”

“What, like you? You’re an old man!”

Alex laughs again. “Yes, I’m older than dirt.” He looks around the school, at his brethren in a safe haven. There’s no persecution, no scrounging for survival. This is safe. Does he want a chance to be part of this? Yes. Yes, he does. “Professor?”

“Yes?”

“When can I start?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a brief description of the symptoms of a panic attack in this chapter. Stay safe everybody.

He starts teaching chemistry for the summer term. Science has always been his passion, especially the science where stuff gets blown up on a regular basis. At first he was a little confused about the summer term, but he learns it’s a way for mutants unsafe or unwelcome in the regular world to stay protected. It’s also a way for the older students to get ahead on their schooling.

The first class starts well enough. He introduces himself, explains what they’ll be learning, and gives a demonstration.

He mixes his chemicals in a beaker, talking as he goes. The last step is his favorite.

“Then we add heat to the mix…” He cups his hand around the beaker and concentrates. He feel the energy flow through him, heating the beaker until it explodes. Glass and scalding liquid fly. Screams rise and one girl in the front row jumps up so fast she overturns her chair. 

He glances around the room, feeling panic welling in his chest. _Is anyone hurt? Did I kill anyone?_

Terrified faces meet his gaze, and memories are pounding at him—of another kid, terrified, staring at his destruction—

Someone is clapping, applauding, and Alex wants to see who liked the explosion so much, but he feels fire burning at his hands, straining in his head. It wants out, but he can’t do that here, not now. He can’t breathe.

The students are murmuring, looking between themselves for help.

Small hands land lightly on his shoulders, and he shrugs them off because he can’t hurt another person, _no no no!_

“Hey, hey, Alex, you’re going to be okay. Hey, just take a breath in. Breathe for me.” 

He hones in on the voice, focusing. _Girl,_ he notes. 

“That’s it. Breathe.”

He sucks in through his nose, lets it out through his mouth. Opens his eyes.

A small, dark-haired Asian girl peers into his face. “Good?” 

He’s not, he’s really not, but he’s good enough to finish. “Yeah,” he says, and she nods. “Okay.” She walks back to her seat.

He glances over the room at large. “Sorry,” he says. “Sometimes I have trouble controlling my powers, too.”

A few of them nod, like they get it. They shift back into seats, picking up papers and books.

“Okay. Well. It was not supposed to do that, but this is chemistry. So…we’re going to blow stuff up.”

There’s a brief silence, during which the Asian girl whispers, _“Yes!”_

And suddenly he’s confident, ready. He can do this. He’s going to teach chemistry. He straightens his shoulders and exhales. The bell rings long before he’s ready to quit. He’s so glad he’s doing this all summer, and then the official school year. 

As the class clears, Alex stops the dark-haired girl. “Thank you. I, uh—thank you. What’s your name?”

“Jubilee,” she says, grinning.

“You like explosions?”

She nods.

“Great. Also, awesome jacket.”

She flashes a smile, pulling on the collar as if to show it off. “Thanks!” She bounces out the door.

Yeah. He’s looking forward to this summer.

~

Two weeks into classes, he sets up lesson plans when there’s a knock on his door.

“Mr. Summers?”

Alex looks up to see Jubilee standing in the door. “Yes?”

“I really hate to bother you…but I’m not very good with chemistry. Or science in general. I was wondering if you could tutor me?” She quirks her brows up at him.

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Well…” she walks to his desk and sets her backpack on the edge. “There’s just a lot of…” She trails off and pulls out a sheaf of papers covered in pencil scribbling. “I just have trouble.”

He sorts through the papers, looking at the equations she is attempting to complete. “It’s no problem to help you. After class on Tuesdays?” He looks up at her.

“Sure. Yeah.” She’s nodding, and her pigtails are bouncing. 

“Okay.”

She turns and walks out of the room, her hips swinging in her shorts. 

Something about the image is scandalous to him, and he looks down at the mess on his desk. He can’t remember what he was doing before she walked in.

~

Their tutoring sessions become his favorite parts of the week. She gets the experiment stuff—the part with the actual exploding—it’s the paperwork that gets to her. Writing equations and formulas is difficult for her. It’s not his favorite part either, if he’s being honest. But it’s not hard to get her set on the right track, because she’s a really bright kid. And once she knows what she’s doing, she’s pretty much got it. It’s just the figuring out part that’s hard. 

For him, it’s no bother. He likes spending time with this girl—she’s open and bubbly in a way he finds refreshing. She’s like an open book, ready for him to read. 

It’s funny, how he’s drawn to her. It’s just—she’s so _bright,_ but so gentle at the same time. Like a star, maybe. He’s never been one for poetry. He and Hank and Mystique—all of them have their own demons, their own battles to fight. They all had to grow up quickly and fully, with no time left to mourn who they might have been if the world hadn’t screwed them over. And Jubilee, well, she’s still so _sweet_ and _kind_ and _good_ and all these words Alex is not. It’s what the school is for, he guesses. So more mutants can actually get to be kids instead of having to fight for their very existence.

The thing is, sometimes it doesn’t feel like innocent friendship on his part. He wants to spend time with her, like any friend, but he normally doesn’t have fantasies of kissing his friends. At least not Mystique or Hank or any other person he lives with.

It’s just that when she blows a bubble she does this _thing_ with her lips, and he finds himself staring at her bright lips as she blows and there goes the _thing_ and—god, he feels like a perv. 

Fuck. He’s so screwed.

She notices him staring. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Well…I’m…I’m here for you, okay?”

“Yeah.” They’ve finished, but she makes no move to leave.

“I’m glad you’re a teacher.”

“Me too.”

She scratches her head, like whatever she’s trying to say isn’t coming out right. 

“Listen, um. I’m just. Going to go. Now.” Gathering her things, she stands to go.

He takes a breath and says, “We should hang out sometime. Outside of class.” Did he just ask her on a date? No. He asked her hang out. Just like he and Mystique and Hank get drinks most Friday nights.

Her face is flushed when she says, “I think so, too. I’ll see you around, Mr. Summers.”

“Alex. Call me Alex.”

A slow smile spreads on her face. “Okay. See you around, Alex.”

“You too, Jubilee.”

She goes, and all the life in the room goes with her. It’s amazing how one tiny girl can brighten an entire space.


	3. Chapter 3

Kurt and Scott are playing football in the lawn, making enough noise to raise the dead when Jubilee plops down next to him on the bench. 

“Hey, Jubilee,” he says. 

“Are you just now eating lunch?”

“Yeah. What of it?”

“Nothing. So’m I.” 

He finds himself smiling into his sandwich.

“So, there’s this new science fiction movie out,” she says, spreading mayonnaise on her sandwich. “Ghostbusters.” She puts the bread lid on top of her stack of turkey and cheese. “Wanna go?”

He glances down at her. “I’d love to see it.”

She grins through a mouthful of sandwich. “Great! How about Friday?”

There’s a voice in his head yelling, _DON’T DO IT, DON’T DO IT, DON’T DO IT,_ but she didn’t say this was a date, did she? No. They were just going to check out some science fiction. Her favorite, right? Yeah. Hang out, like he suggested. “Sure.”

“Great. I can’t wait!”

~

When Friday evening comes, he spends entirely too much time thinking of what to wear. He ends up choosing plaid shirt, but leaves it unbuttoned. Nervousness eats at a corner of his mind, followed with questions of _why am I nervous? This is not a date. This is just you hanging out with a friend. Of the opposite sex. One on one. Who you want to kiss._

There’s a knock on the door. He takes a deep breath and opens it.

Hank.

“Are you joining us?”

Alex licks his bottom lip. “No. Uh, not tonight.”

Hank gives a funny look. “Alright. See you.” 

Alex shuts the door.

There’s another knock.

He opens the door. “What _are_ you doing?”

“If it was your business, I’d tell you.”

Hank holds up his hands. “Okay. Just…don’t do anything stupid.”

“What makes you think I’d do that?”

Hank shakes his head. “Call it experience. You ran into the center of an explosion.”

Alex shakes his head. “Goodnight, Hank.”

Hank goes down the hall.

Alex shuts the door. Not two seconds later, there’s a knock.

“Go away, bozo,” Alex says. He says it without anger or malice, and Hank knows he means no harm.

“Are you sure you want me to go away? I’m a pretty fun bozo,” says Jubilee.

Shit.

Alex opens the door. “Jubilee! I thought you were Hank.”

“Obviously. Shall we go?”

“Yes. Let’s.” _Before I make a bigger idiot of myself._

She’s in jeans and a neon pink shirt. And her jacket, which he doesn’t think he’s ever seen her without it. She looks fantastic, and he’s tempted to tell her so, but _this is not a date_ (right? Right?!) and giving her such a compliment feels too much like a date thing.

“Shall we walk?” she asks.

“Sure.” He had thought of taking his motorcycle, but maybe next time. ( _Next_ time?)

She keeps up a steady stream of chatter all the way to the theater. 

He pays for them (because he’s a gentleman) but she out-stubborns him on the popcorn. 

“No, Alex, let me pay for this,” she says, sticking out her chin.

“Okay, alright, fine,” he says, holding up his hands. He wants to tell her how cute she looks with her mouth set like that, but swallows the comment down. _Just friends, Alex._

The movie is good—funny, and it has good special effects. (He thinks.) Jubilee seems to like it, too. 

It’s the middle of the movie—right when a possessed Sigourney Weaver is attempting to seduce Bill Murray—when she leans over on him. It’s a sudden thump into his side, almost like she fell asleep. He attempts to look down at her without moving his head, resulting in an awkward eye angle. All he can tell is she is very much awake. He can feel every muscle in his body go stiff and tight, and it’s all he can do to keep chewing the popcorn in his mouth.

He’d hurt enough people accidentally to be wary of touching anyone— _anyone_ —and yet here she was, leaning on him like he was the most comfortable seat in the house. He thinks of Darwin, briefly. No matter how much time passes or how many times the Professor tells him it’s _not his fault_ —he cannot forget it was his energy that finally broke the unbreakable Darwin.

She reaches across him and grabs popcorn. 

_It’s okay,_ he says to himself. _It’s okay._ Inhaling through his nose, he relaxes each muscle individually, a trick the Professor taught him. 

Jubliee shifts, nuzzling his shoulder to get more comfortable. 

She trusts him. 

Wow.

She’s trusts him, and he’s really, really happy about that. 

When the movie is done, she sits up and grins at him like nothing unusual happened. “Did you like it?”

“Yeah, it was good.” 

“I think it was funny.”

“Yeah.” Come on, man, think of something good to say. His brain fails him, so he picks up the empty popcorn bucket and stands. 

“I have to pee,” she says and exits the row.

Blinking, he follows her. When she comes back, her lips are the color of hibiscus, and he finds himself fascinated by them. He wonders if they’ll taste like they look—a little sweet, a little tart.

“What?”

He jerks his head away. “Uh, nothing.”

She shoots him a look that very clearly says _I don’t believe you_ but says nothing more. They start their walk home. She isn’t saying much, so he flounders around mentally for a while. Useless phrases like _How’s your homework?_ bounce through his head before it occurs to him that he’s never seen her powers. “So what can you do?” 

Her face lights up. “I make fireworks.”

“Really? Cool!”

“Yeah. Want to see?”

“Absolutely.”

She stops and holds out her hand. Sparks dance on fingertips before she releases the energy into the sky where it explodes with a glorious pop and crack. She grins. “Fireworks.”

He grins back. “That’s so cool.”

“Thanks! Your lasers are really cool, too. It’s just like—” she starts gesturing wildly “—vvvmm! Pow! Boom!”

Alex chuckles. “It’s a lot.”

“Is it always there?”

“What?”

“You know, under your skin, just wanting to get out?” 

Yes. Yes it is. It burns him every second of every day waiting to destroy. “…Not badly.”

“Mine is.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “Doesn’t Scott’s always come out? So he wears the glasses?”

“Yeah. I don’t envy him.”

“Me either. For all that, your brother’s pretty nice.”

“You know, Scott’s only my half brother.” Why is he telling her this?

“Really?”

“Yeah. My mom had me really young, and…he came along later. After she married his dad.” Okay, he really needs to stop talking.

“Was it hard?”

“No—yes—it was…He was only two when my powers showed. They were mutant-phobic, and they kicked me out.” When he was sixteen he blasted a hole in his bedroom wall, and you could see clear down the street. He wandered the streets for a while, fighting the kids who thought he’d be easy prey and battling the energy threatening the lives of everyone around him. 

“That’s _awful_.” She stares at him. “Where’d you go?”

“Prison,” he grunts.

“What did you do?”

He lost control and a kid nearly died. He can still remember the horrified faces; the scream; the awful fear that he’d murdered someone. “Can I not answer that?”

“Sure. But what happened?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Because I _care_ about you. You’re my friend.”

He heaves a deep sigh. “I went to Juvie for a while. Spent a lot of time in solitary.” The truth was he got himself in trouble on purpose so he didn’t have to worry about hurting other people. “Anyway, the Professor found me and recruited me for the X-men. And it was good, you know? I wasn’t the only freak around.” He hasn’t been looking at her, but he looks at her now. She’s got this near-tormented expression on her face, like she really hurts for him, but also like she knows what he means. 

“Man, you had it rough.”

He half-smiles and laughs through his nose. “We all did.”

“Do your parents still hate you?”

Staring at the ground, he shoves his hands in his pockets. “No. I think having Scott be the same way woke them up to the fact that we aren’t all freaks. He was the smart one—the one who was going to do something big. At least to them.”

“But you _have_ done big stuff, Alex. You stopped the world from ending. You fought in a war. You teach at a very prestigious school.”

He shrugs. “I guess…for them it didn’t matter.”

She wrinkles her nose. “Who cares about them?”

“I do. She’s still my mom.”

Jubilee sighs. “I know. But no matter how you slice it, you’ve done a lot with your life. And Scott—well, he’s on his way to doing big stuff, too.” 

“Yeah. I guess so.”

“You _guess_ so?”

“Alright, fine, I know so.” 

She smirks at him and he smiles back.

The reach the mansion when he says, “Jubilee?”

“Yes?” She stops to face him, looking hopeful.

“This wasn’t a…date, right?”

She blinks twice, and something crosses her face, as she says, “No. No, of course not. Just friends. Hanging out.”

“Okay.” 

Neither one says anything except “goodnight” until they split for bed. 

Feeling like crap, Alex crawls into bed. He stares at the ceiling for a long time. Did she want that to be a date? It felt like one. Did _he_ want it to be a date?

He thinks about that for a long time.

Yes. Yes he does.

He feels like there’s a rock on his chest, sinking into him. 

He has a crush on Jubilee.

Never mind she’s his brother’s age, at the most eighteen. He’ll check her birthdate later, if only to feel less weird about this. 

Wow. He has a crush on Jubilee. 

He rolls onto his side, staring at the empty space beside him. Maybe one day?

Stop. Stop that now. There is no way he can let himself get carried away. She’s his student; his brother’s friend. 

He heaves a deep sigh and closes his eyes. Maybe when he wakes up the world will be simpler.


	4. Chapter 4

Two weeks go by. They continue their tutoring sessions, and Jubilee stays afterward, helping him straighten the classroom (she says, but it feels like they spend more time in conversation). She comes in most afternoons—not just for chemistry tutoring, but to do any homework. Her favorite is history. He finds himself looking forward to her visits, watching the door for her yellow jacket and pink bubble gum. She makes it her mission to tell him about the year he missed, which isn’t much actually. The biggest events are the starting of the X-men and US invading Grenada, which has to do with Cuba.

Alex thinks back to a Cuban beach, being too young and too scared to understand what the missiles would do. It was 1968 and the world was ending before his eyes. He was sixteen and he had watched the first person to accept him explode (his fault his fault his fault). He was surrounded by people who finally loved him, but they were fighting one another. 

Before that day his life was either before or after his powers. After that day it was before or after the beach. After the beach he was safe and he was no longer alone.

Then he was drafted to ‘nam, and he didn’t bother trying to dodge. Everyone knew that the drafting was rigged to get more mutants. How they knew who was a mutant and who was not, he didn’t know and he didn’t care. He was a weapon, and this was what he was good at—hurting people by blowing stuff up. It was the way it had always been. They wanted him for something—testing. When Mystique rescued him and his friends, it was another turning point. His goal was to stay off the radar, to go unnoticed. His life was before and after Vietnam, before and after hiding.

When he came home, Charles offered to let him teach, but he didn’t feel safe leading children, not when he could hurt them so quickly. He could, however, save them. So he spent his time between temporary jobs and saving mutants to send them to Charles. It was a decade of crappy apartments, living job to job, and leaving behind people to keep from hurting them. 

And then, out of nowhere, his parents call him, saying Scott has manifested powers, too. When he takes Scott to Charles, he gets sucked into the whirlwind of protecting the world. He adds another before and after to his life: before and after Apocalypse. 

He’d never tell Jubilee any of this, of course. She doesn’t need to know the demons that scald him. Sometimes she hits too close to the mark, and he considers telling her, just to tell someone.

“Do you like being an X-man?” She’s perched on his desk, swinging her legs back and forth.

He keeps up the pretense of sorting through lesson plans, but really, he finished that ten minutes ago. “Yeah. It’s what I’m meant for.”

“Do you mean that like a good way? Or a bad way.”

He shrugs. “I mean…I blow stuff up on a regular basis.”

“Explosions are cool!”

“Yeah, but not when they hurt people.”

She stops swinging her legs. “You’re not just a weapon, Alex.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I know _you._ You’re a good person. You care for people, whether you admit it or not. I’ve watched you.”

“Stalker.”

She huffs. “Stop it and listen to me.”

He gives her his full attention, glowering a little more than is necessary. 

“You love Scott very much. You care about the Professor and Mystique and Hank. I’d like to believe you care about me.”

And he does. He really does. But he’s not going to tell her that, no matter how great of an opening she gave him.

She says, “Stop blaming yourself for every bad thing. Stop pushing people away. You’ll be better off for it.”

He lets a little smile play on his lips. “You’re right. On all accounts. Thanks.” And because this is too much gooey feelings, he changes the subject. “What are you up to this weekend?” 

“I’m thinking of going out—the mall, the roller rink, maybe.”

Scott told him about them taking Kurt to the mall. It made Alex uncomfortable because suddenly it was a reminder that she really was a _kid._ And then he found out she freaking _lived_ in a mall for a while before Xavier found her. Which, all things considered, he had to do too. Live on his own. He needs to stop creating parallels about them. “You like rollerblading?”

“Dude, I love rollerblading.” She blinks at him. “Don’t you?”

“I’ve done it like twice.” Did he just say ‘like’ like she does? She has too much influence over him.

She opens her mouth wide. “What? No. That settles it. We’re totally going.”

He looks down and smiles. “We should. Let’s get a group and go.” He hates this suggestion even as he says it.

“Mm…It’s easier to skate in small groups. Just the two of us should go.”

This is exactly what he hoped she’d say. “Okay.”

“Another not-date.” There’s just the hint of a sigh in her voice.

“Right.”

“How about Saturday?”

“Saturday.”

“Bye, Alex.”

He gazes after her retreating form. “Bye,” he says quietly. 

What is he doing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know the Cuban Missile Crisis was not in 1968. Shhh, this is fan fiction, I can do what I want.


	5. Chapter 5

They go to a rink in town, surrounded by what feels like a hundred other people. Jubilee brings her own skates, but Alex has to rent his from the rink. When he stands up, he wobbles and attempts to clack his way across the floor. Jubilee laughs and he makes a face at her. 

Once on the concrete, it takes him a little while to get his footing. Jubilee skates literal circles around him until he has a good rhythm going. Then she falls in stride beside him. 

“So you’re a senior, right?” he asks.

“Mm-hm.”

“What’s your plan when you graduate?”

“I have most of my college credits, but after that? Come back to teach here, obviously. I’m an X-man.”

That sounds just fine to Alex. “What subject?”

“Oh…I don’t know…I like history. But then again, being a chemistry lab assistant sounds like fun.” She bumps his hip with hers.

He chuckles. What is she doing?

She pushes hard with her skate and turns neatly on her toes to face him. She’s skating backwards, swinging her hips to keep moving. 

“How do you do that?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Practice?”

He raises his brows. “Practice.”

“Yep. I can teach you.”

“I have enough trouble going forward.”

She rolls her eyes, holding out both her hands. “Here.” 

He looks from her hands to her face, then puts his hands on hers. Instantly she grips like a vice, pulling him along. “Woah,” he says, a little off-balance.

“Oh, hush.” They make it around the rink. 

The speakers crank up a little louder, and “Faithfully” begins to play. 

“I love this song!” she says, releasing one of his hands. Using him to pull herself back around, she skates beside him, holding his hand. He swallows. 

She sings along at full voice, making faces he thinks are adorable. Complete with dramatic hand motions, she serenades him as they make their way around the rink.

When the song ends, she grins at him, face flushed and eyes bright. Suddenly she lets go of his hand and pushes off ahead of him.

“Catch me!” she laughs, and skates away. 

He whoops, in hot pursuit. She weaves in and out between people, slowing Alex down. Finally he figures out to go toward the middle of the rink, out of the general throng. Once there, he’s able to cover more ground. She’s rounding the corner, and he skates to where she’ll be, rather than where she is. He’s gaining too much speed. He can’t stop. They’re on a collision course. _Crap._ He stretches out his arms, but he’s not sure why. Her eyes widen as she sees him coming. 

It’s inevitable.

She bangs into his chest and they go down in a tangle of arms and legs. It bruises a little, but he’s more worried about her. He rolls over to her, lying flat out on her back, laughing. 

“Whoo!” she giggles. 

He’s lying on his stomach, supporting himself on his elbows. “Are you okay?”

“Me? Pfft, I’m fine. You?”

“Yeah, I’m good.” 

The flow of traffic has redirected around them, and no one gives them a second glance. He grins down at her. “I think I like skating.”

“This—” she motions between them “—is not skating. This is acting like idiots.” 

There’s a tiny voice in the back of his brain saying, _kiss her kiss her kiss her,_ but he bites his lip and looks away. Not here. Not now. “Well,” he says, rising to his knees, “Shall we go on?”

She sits up, legs straight out. “Want some ice cream?”

“I’m always down for ice cream.”

There’s a little concession stand in the rink. She gets a chocolate cone and he gets a sundae. _Because he is a gentleman,_ he pays. Not because this is a date. Because it’s not.

She finishes first, leaving a sticky trail on her chin. 

“Here,” he says, and wipes the smudge off with a paper napkin.

“Thanks,” she says. “Ever play apocalypse?”

“No.” _I lived it._

“Okay, the world ends and everyone in this room survives. What happens to us?”

“Um…I don’t know.”

“Okay, so see that couple over there?” She points at a teenage couple. “They’ll have to get married to repopulate the earth. And see that guy?” A boy with glasses. “He’s an architect, and he finds a way to build homes out of the rubble.”

“Hm.” Alex gestures to a boy with tattoos. “He’s an awesome shot, so he gets put in charge of hunting.” The boy skates to a girl and she twines her arm around his. “And…they have to get married but she secretly resents it.”

Jubilee nods appreciatively. “Hm. How about her?”

“The grandma over there? She’ll knit us all protecting gear against the lingering nuclear fumes.”

Jubilee giggles. “That’s good! Okay, now what about us?”

Alex shrugs. “We’re mutants, so they’ll run us off and we’ll have to survive on our own.”

Her face falls. “That’s not funny, Alex.”

“Sorry.” He pokes at his ice cream. Suddenly he’s not very hungry any more.

“I guess we’d survive just fine together.”

There are three thousand implications to that sentence, and he doesn’t pursue a single one. 

“Sometimes I see what Magneto means. About making a better world.”

His head snaps up.

“Don’t get worried! I’m not planning to go awol.” She says it like a-wall.

“Good.”

“I just…wish we were more accepted.”

“Yeah. I know what you mean.”

“More apocalypse?”

He shakes his head. “Sorry, but…we kinda lived it.”

She sighs. “Yeah. That game _has_ lost some of its charm.” With a worried expression, she says, “I was the one to find you, you know.”

“What?” No, he doesn’t know. He can’t remember.

She looks down, swallowing. “Yeah. It was pretty bad.”

He frowns and glances at her. “Like how bad?”

“You were covered in blood. Your face looked like it had been burned off, and your eyes were yellow.”

“Sexy.”

“No shit. You were covered in energy and it was just—just _pouring_ off you—I thought you were going to die.” She swallows. “I set a forest on fire trying to help you.”

It’s the way she’s not meeting his eyes that he knows she’s not okay. No matter how lightly she says this, no matter how much it seems like she’s joking, she’s not okay. He wants to  
reach out and wrap his arms around her, tuck his chin on her head and tell her it’s alright. He feels like that’s a bad idea, so he says, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. The Professor offered to remove the memory, but I kind of wanted to keep it. To remember what he did to us.”

“Hm.” Why she wants to remember the bad stuff, he’ll never know. In his world, he wants to forget, but he can’t. The memories are trapped inside him, trying to burn their way out. But they don’t. Anytime he burns something, the memories just blaze hotter. He looks down at his slowly melting ice cream. He nudges it toward her. “What some?” he says.

She smiles. “Yeah.” She steals his spoon and takes a bite.


	6. Chapter 6

After their not-date, he feels off. Like he has unfinished business. It’s Jubilee, he knows. He needs to ask her what this is between them. _This_ being the not-dates, his desire to kiss her, and the sparks, both literal and metaphorical, that pass between them. He raises his hand to knock on her door when he hears Jean’s voice from Jubilee’s room.

“So, who _do_ you have a crush on?”

“Oh…I don’t know…”

Alex bites his lip and leans closer. It’s none of his business, _really,_ but…well, in for a penny, in for a pound.

Jean is saying, “Girl, there are too many boys in this school for you to not have a crush.”

“Of course I have a crush!”

“Well, why don’t you tell me?”

“I—”

“Spill! Or I’ll read your mind and find out!”

“Alright! Alright! It’s…Kurt.”

“No it’s not.”

“How do you know?”

“Jubilee. I’m a mind reader. I know when you’re lying.”

Jubilee sighs. There’s a thump, followed by Jubilee’s squeal. “Hey!” There’s another thump. “Stop with the pillows! It’s Alex, okay?”

There’s a brief silence in the room while Alex’s heart decides to take up residence in his throat.

“Well, I can see why. And it’s really obvious, now that I think about it,” says Jean.

“Please. You’re totally in love with his brother.”

“Yeah. Scott’s pretty awesome.”

Alex smiles. It’s good to hear that his brother is treating his girl right.

“Tell me more!” Jubilee says, and Alex can hear her straining to move the conversation onward.

“No, not yet. You haven’t told me all about your little crush.”

“Oh, he probably thinks I’m a weirdo. And he’s at least twice my age.”

_Only fourteen years,_ Alex thinks involuntarily, then curses himself. And what is he doing eavesdropping anyway? This is none of his business.

“Age gaps are nothing to be afraid of,” says Jean.

“Yeah, I know. But here’s the thing, Jean.” Jubilee pauses. “This feels like, big. It’s kind of scary.”

Jean doesn’t say anything. 

“Jean,” Jubilee says. “What if it’s real? You know, happily-ever-after stuff?”

“That is scary,” says Jean.

Alex agrees. And this conversation is not his business.

The last thing he hears before he walks away is Jubilee saying, “Jean, I don’t even know what to do.” 

He doesn’t know what to do, either. This is scary. She’s just a kid, really, and he’s thirty-two years old. What kind of pervert is he? He loves her, true, but what does it matter if she loves him, too? And when did he decide he actually loves her? For the next hour, he paces the floor, forcing words into sentences, telling her that they couldn’t be together because she’s a _child._ It hurts. Fuck, it hurts like hell to realize he’s going to tell her that _they can’t do this._

The next afternoon, he stops her in the hall, his little speech scorching his throat with the terribleness of what he’s doing.

“Jubilee?”

She turns to look at him, face upturned and curious, a few strands of hair falling across her eyes. “Yes?”

“Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Sure!” She sound perky, but he can see uneasiness cross her face. 

He leads her into a deserted classroom and pushes the door almost closed, until it’s just a crack of light spilling in. The windows give a little more light, but her face is still in shadow.

“Am I in trouble?” 

“No, uh, no. Um.” Where is the Summers’ swag when he needs it? 

“What’s going on? Is this about—” she glances around and lowers her voice. “The X-men? Is there a mission?”

“No, it’s not that, either.” What the hell is he supposed to say to this girl? 

“Alex. What is it?”

It’s the sudden determination in her voice that makes him think, _fuck it,_ and lean in. He tips her chin up a little farther and bends over to press his lips against hers. She returns very gently, and the thrill that runs through him is better than anything else he’s ever felt. She wraps her arms around the back of his neck. 

He pushes a little harder, and her lips slip open. He gently licks into her mouth, swallowing her moan. 

_I could do this forever_ , he thinks. Just kiss her forever.

But he needs to breathe. As the kiss ends, and he lingers on her lips, hovering, breathing in her sigh.

In a hoarse whisper she says, “Wow.”

Alex jerks back to reality and stares at her. Her eyes are half-shut and she looks like she’s not quite awake.

He feels sick to his stomach. What happened to what he was going to say? He can’t say it now; it’s too late. Too late.

And so, like an idiot, he says nothing before clenching his jaw and walking out of the room without a backward glance. 

Like the true jerk he is, he walks straight out of the school and out of her life. She’s better off without him. The Professor will just have to find a new chemistry teacher.


	7. Chapter 7

He’s been working construction for the past three months. It’s somewhere easy to camouflage, and somewhere where he doesn’t have to worry about his powers causing too much damage.

On Christmas Eve, he finally stops actively _not thinking_ long enough to wonder why Mystique hasn’t come to find him. They’d run into each other a lot, since Vietnam. After the war he wasn’t really sure what to do with himself. He was a weapon—he blasted stuff, but now there was no point in that. The Professor couldn’t help him. Well, he probably could, but the idea of someone messing around in his head makes him uncomfortable. So Alex did the right thing, and started saving mutants. Mystique did too, and she managed to do it with less destruction than he did. So they bumped into each other; at places like the mutant cage fights, or the mutant black market (because _yes,_ that is a thing and it is wrong on _so_ many levels), and sometimes they just passed on the street. 

His timing was spot on, because when he opens his apartment door, she’s sitting on his couch. She’s not wearing anything over her blue form and he wonders how she survives the cold. 

“Alex.” 

He’s not sure he wants to know how he got in. “Mystique.”

Her voice is hoarse. “They took him. We need your help.”

“The Professor?”

“Yeah. Are you coming or no?”

“Let’s go.” 

She rises with grace, but he can see the wound in her shoulder, looking like something had stabbed her. She’s moving so slowly, with such pain.

He throws his jacket back on, feeling the leather mold to his back. “Who was it?”

“Erik. And a few others.”

“Oh, how the tables have turned.”

“Shut up if you want to live.”

“Whatever.” It’s an act and she knows it, but he can feel the fire burning in him, threatening to burst out. He clenches his fist, feeling heat rush to his hands, ready to wreak havoc on any in his way. “So what’s the plan?”

She walks out the door, transforming into her favored blond form. “Hank’s tracker says they’re in upstate New York. We don’t know if they have a base or anything. The plan is to take the best of the X-men and bring him back.”

He keeps stride with her. “Why’d they take him?” 

“We don’t know, but it can’t be good.”

“And I was going to have a nice, peaceful Christmas.”

“So were we.” Her face is perfectly schooled, but he can hear the exhaustion in her voice. 

For a moment he allows himself to mourn the bright and cheerful child who made fun of his feet that she was when they met. The last years have not been kind to either of them. Still, teaching at the school was the best three months of his life. He was an idiot to leave, but he was an idiot to kiss Jubilee. _Jubilee._ “Did they take anyone else?”

“No. A few of us are injured, but nothing serious.”

“How many do we have?”

“Not many. The ones who can have gone home for Christmas. Including your brother. Any reason you haven’t joined him?” She starts jogging down the stairs.

Alex clenches and unclenches his jaw. “Yeah. But that’s not the point.” _He’d want to know why I left. And I can’t tell him the truth._

“We have a few of the X-men: Hank, Kurt, Storm, Jean, and Jubilee.”

He glances at her, wondering if she left Jubilee for last intentionally. “That’s not much to work with.”

“It’s enough. Jean’s trying to reach Charles right now. I suggested she use Cerebro, but Hank never listens to me. Says it’s too dangerous.” She rounds on a small car. “I’m driving.”

“If it makes you feel any better, Hank never listens to anyone. Except Charles.” 

“Neither do you,” she says, and slides into the car.

~

They enter the war room, glancing around. The X-men, in their suits, are standing around it, looking upset, worried, and lost, to varying degrees.

Hank greets him with a nod. “Alex.”

“Beast.”

Mystique clears her throat. “When Erik left a month after Apocalypse, he said he wanted to make a mutant Utopia. I hope that’s what he’s doing, and not having a different ideas.”

“We have very little time and next to no clues. They have to know we’re coming, but they don’t know _how._ ” Hank outlines the plan. “Kurt, you’re going to get Jubilee, Alex, and Jean there. Can you do that?”

Kurt nods. His powers have improved greatly, Alex knows.

“Storm, Mystique and I will go on the plane. Storm will give us cloud cover and Jean will continue to try to reach the Professor. Mystique is going to get us in. Are we clear?”

“Just one thing.”

“Yes,” Hank says with the air of a very tired teacher.

“Don’t barrel roll the plane this time.”

Hank sighs. “Whatever, Alex. Okay, let’s go. Suit up.”

~

Putting on the suit is feels different somehow—here, rather than in practice. It feels more serious. More important. He doesn’t need the focusing beam, not really, not anymore. He has control—well, mostly. Not a lot of control. It’s always _there_ , right under the surface. The only reason he bothers to put it on is because it’s fireproof. The government has his old and damaged suit. This one is more comfortable. Plus, it’s styled to look good with his jacket pulled on over. For which his is eternally grateful. He needs the warmth. And perhaps the comfort. He leaves it unzipped, so it won’t get ruined. When he’s dressed, he joins Kurt and Jean. Jean has her hand in Kurt’s, looking a little nervous. 

Realization strikes him. “This is your first mission.” He blinks at Kurt. 

“First since Apocalypse,” Jean says softly.

“Holy…Okay.” Responsibility is not his forte, but he has to take care of these children. They’re hardly eighteen.

“Jubilee’s eighteen,” says Jean, and he shoots her an irritated look. 

“Save it for the Professor.”

“Sorry.” She has the good sense to at least _look_ remorseful, even if she feels none. In some respects, she is too similar to the Professor for comfort.

Jubilee swings up just then, smacking bubble gum. “You ready, Nightcrawler?”

Kurt nods, pinching his lips. “I am ready as I will ever be,” he says in his quiet accented voice.

“Take a deep breath. You’ll be fine.” She doesn’t even look at Alex.

Kurt swallows audibly, and takes Jubilee’s hand. Hot sparks of jealousy choke Alex, but he ignores them. He puts his hand on Kurt’s shoulder. “You scored pretty good. All us pretty people hanging on you,” he says, snorting when Kurt looks scandalized. 

“Hold on,” Kurt says, and squeezes his eyes shut.


	8. Chapter 8

The sensation of traveling by Nightcrawler is a lot like riding a roller coaster. His stomach is not where it should be, and he has a smashing headache. It’s not his favorite feeling in the world, and this one seems to go on and on. When they…land? Appear? Whatever…they’re standing in a forest, snow under their feet. Jean and Jubilee shake their heads, as though to clear them. When Alex tries it, he thinks he’s going to throw up. It’s like a hangover, except worse. The others seem to have no ill effects. Suddenly he feels very, very, old. 

He glances at Jubilee. 

She blows a bubble and pops it between her teeth.

Jean presses two fingers to her temple. “I still can’t find him. But…there are others.” She squeezes her eyes shut. “Two boys…Magneto…and…Peter!” Her eyes pop open.

Alex ingests this. “Alright, let’s move out.”

They creep through the trees, feet crunching on the snow. It’s not long before Alex sees the building. “A barn? Seriously, dude, your evil villain base is in a _barn_?” 

Mystique comes in over comm. “That’s not a barn.”

He ducks around another tree to see she’s telling the truth. The behemoth structure, made of various metals welded together, towers into the sky.

“Holy _shit!_ ” he says. “Beast, this is a lot bigger structure than you thought. Still carry through with the plan?”

“It’s our best shot.” His voice is rough. He’s gone full-Beast. Since he’s just the getaway ride, it might be from nervousness.

“Alright.” Alex motions for them to stay down.

They watch as fog rolls in, chilling and damp. It’s difficult to see, but Jean has her face screwed up and her fingers against her head. “Mystique’s walking up to the door,” she narrates. “She’s disguised as Psylocke.” She pauses. Alex squints into the fog. Jean jumps. “The boy with wings just landed in front of her. He wants to know what she’s doing here.”

“Here’s when we make it or break it,” Beast says over the comm. Alex guesses he’s watching on some fog-penetrating geek tech thing.

Alex whispers into his comm. “The first of many.”

Jean heaves a sigh. “She’s in. Now we wait for the signal.”

Darkness falls. They crouch in the snow, muscles aching and bodies freezing. It seems to take ages; and goodness knows what’s going on in there. Mystique, disguised as Psylocke, is supposed to explain that she has been on the run, but would like to join Magneto’s “separate society” of mutants. The hope was she would find Charles and give a signal. Since they were in the dark about the base, the signal was supposed to be done by shining some sort of light on the snow for two long blinks. When they saw that, Kurt was supposed to get the Professor. If Mystique found out why Erik took him, it was just bonus points. The rest of them were back-up. Jean could monitor the movements of others within the base, but they had no way to warn Mystique, even if something went wrong. Too much could go wrong with this plan, Alex reflected. Why did Erik have to ruin his Christmas like this?

There’s a light flashing across the snow, but it’s too fast, and there are three, not two. 

Alex recognizes it first. “It’s an SOS,” he says, and springs out of the trees. Jubilee and Jean are right on his heels. They sprint across the snow, but the fog is dissipating, and the distance is too great.

In the trees, Kurt says, “Wait, I can—” but it’s too late. 

Suddenly a hail of knives falls from above. Jean screams, covering her head. Alex looks up—there’s a boy with wings. 

“Go, I got this!” Alex yells, and sends a laser through his hand, but misses. 

The boy circles back, and Alex sends another barrage. He grits his teeth and forms a ring of energy. He hurls it at the boy’s wings. It’s a trick that’s worked before. Instead of severing, the wing seems to absorb the energy, almost like a cooling coal from a fire. 

The boy, however, is knocked off balance, and falls to the ground. He rises, arching his wings over him like daggers. 

Alex takes a second look at them. “Dude, you have metal wings? That is so _cool!_ ” He dives and rolls to avoid the two knives—except they aren’t really knives. Sharp metal feathers would be more appropriate.

“Not metal,” the boy says, and wow he is young.

Alex holds out his hand, feeling his palm heat in anticipation. “What are they, then?”

“A gift. From Apocalypse!” He rises, sending wind into Alex’s face.

The mention of the mutant that nearly killed him spurs him to anger, and he finally rears back to fire from his chest plate. The red energy surges forward, following the fleeing boy across the sky. 

Alex pauses to re-aim, then fires true, yelling as heat courses over him. 

The boy sees it coming. His eyes widen, then he covers himself with his wings. 

Impact.

He tumbles from the sky, landing in a crumpled heap.

Enemy or no, he’s a kid not much older than Scott or Jubilee, and Alex jogs over to check on him. “Stay down, kid,” he says, pushing a hand to the boy’s chest.

He looks even younger here, prone and vulnerable. Alex clenches his jaw, breathes, unclenches. “Why did Erik take the professor?”

The boy turns his head away, cheek to snow.

“Why?!”

“He just wants him out of the way.”

“What for?”

“He’s making the world a better place!” The boy appears to be choking. 

Alex lessens the pressure on his chest. “How is he doing that?”

Holding up his hands to indicate _no threat,_ the boy slides up. “He’s creating a better world for mutants. Don’t you see Xavier would try to stop him?” Good god, this child actually _believes_ in this cause. 

“What’s his plan?”

“I don’t know his _plan,_ just what I’m supposed to know.”

“And what’s that?” Alex says roughly, because he’s getting irritated.

“That we’re supposed to get the _X-men_ out of the way. So he can wage war.” He looks up, maliciousness in his face.

Alex’s eyes widen—all the X-men are in one place. “Shit.”

There’s no time to offer help to the boy. With a well-placed head shot, he knocks the boy unconscious. He sprints for the barn.

~

He’s too late. He’s too late, and the knowledge crushes him. He blasts his way in, to the room where the light came from. 

The Professor is unconscious, his head in Jean’s lap, a discarded telepathy-blocking helmet nearby. She’s mumbling at him, words slurred by tears. She looks up at Alex. “I can still feel him. He’s alive, but the helmet kept him from getting to me. He tried so hard and now—” she breaks off into a hiccup.

Alex steps out the door, rage burning in his hands, his chest. Mystique is prone on the ground, her mouth and nose covered in thick slime. She scrabbles at it, eyes half-closed, but she’s nearly gone. “Hold still!” He sends a tiny ring at the covering, bursting it. 

She gasps and coughs. 

He examines the slime, feeling like he’s seen it somewhere before.

“The others,” she croaks.

He runs down the hall in the direction she points. He blasts the door to smithereens and beholds the losing battle. Kurt is fighting a mutant with a long tongue, dodging the blasts of goo and the darting tongue. Alex remembers where he knows the slime from. His name is Toad, and they fought together in Vietnam. He was a good kid, Alex remembers. Shame how far he’s fallen.

Peter and Storm are in conversation while circling one another. Jubilee is exploding the bits of metal Erik is throwing at her.

He’s too late, too late.

The last chunk comes from the roof. Erik pulls it down to drop on her. She sends her sparks up, but they are too small to explode it. Part of it flies off, sharp, aiming straight for her.

He’s not fast enough; not with his powers, not on his feet.

Peter is.

The next thing Alex knows, he’s outside in the snow, surrounded by everyone besides Magneto…and Jubilee.

The building explodes.

Alex opens his mouth to scream for Jubilee, and then he sees her staggering silhouette headed toward them. He runs to her, and she collapses onto him. 

Magneto rises from the wreckage, cocooned in a magnetic force field. He’s flying? This day has been too long. 

He focuses on Jubilee again. Hunched over, he sees blood seeping through her hand. The plane. Hank is still in the plane.

The dark figures of the others are headed to the plane. They’re dragging Toad and Peter with them, and the plane’s gearing up to take off.

Jubilee can’t move any faster. She shouldn’t be moving, period.

Magneto (When did he stop being Erik? Right, when he hurt Jubilee.) starts to pull on the plane. If Hank leaves now, _right now,_ he can make it before the pull is too strong.

“They need to go,” Jubilee chokes.

_No. No!_ “They can’t leave without you!”

“They have to,” she says, stumbling into him. He slips her arm over him.

“But you’re…but…” He looks back at the rest of them.

“Go,” she says.

“No.” He scoops her up in his arms just as her eyes close. He can’t make it in time. 

He feels like he’s moving in syrup.

Slowly, so slowly, he speaks into his comm. “Go without us.” He pauses and bites his lip. “We’ll be alright.”

“We’ll come back for you,” Beast says. Alex can bet what’s going on. Jean will be trying to take care of Charles, panicked. Kurt will be huddled out of the way, and Strom will be drawing together clouds to cover their retreat. Toad will be restrained in the corner. Mystique will be yelling at Hank and Peter, or perhaps speaking very quietly. Alex isn’t sure which is more dangerous. 

The plane takes off over them, roaring. 

He drops his head to the prone form in his arms and makes for the trees.

Magneto makes for them, striding across the snow. Alex knows he can’t move fast enough, so he stands his ground, cradling Jubliee to his chest. He doesn’t know if she’s alive, but no matter what happens, he’s defending her until his last breath.

He raises his head to Magneto. “Look what you’ve done!” he shouts.

Steely-eyed, Magneto keeps moving toward him.

“I thought you wanted to make a better world for us, not kill us off!”

This gives him pause.

He’s so tired. So drained. He wants to lay down in the snow, just lay there and never move. 

Magneto says, “Will she live?”

“I don’t know!” he yells back, voice cracking and breaking. “I don’t know.”

In that moment, something in Magneto’s face changes. It’s barely noticeable, and maybe Alex imagines the whole thing. But he stops moving. 

Alex says nothing. His brain is too tired, his body too slow. Jubilee is dying or dead, and he can’t move. 

Slowly, Magneto says, “If you’re going to save her, you need to stop the bleeding.”

Alex jerks his gaze back to her. A puff of air escapes her lips. Not dead. If there’s a God up there, they deserve some serious thanking. Maybe he should ask Kurt about that sometime. But not now. 

He yanks back into focus. Stop bleeding. Shelter. Warmth. Got it. Magneto’s gone, and that was fast. Whatever. New flying skills. Forcing himself into motion, he lays Jubilee on the ground. The only spare clothing he has is his jacket, but it won’t absorb. He runs his hands through his hair. There’s not much left to do.

“Sorry,” he says to her unconscious form, and tears open the front of her uniform. His eyes stray to her chest, covered in a black sports bra, but then he forces himself to snap back into focus.

The wound is in the front. Thick shrapnel embedded in her abdomen, to the right of her belly button, but it’s gone now. When did it come out? Blood oozes out, gushing with her heart. Every rush means her heart is still beating, but it also means she’s losing blood. Breathing hard and fast, he tears off the torso of her uniform. He leaves the sleeves on, and puts his jacket on over her. He presses the torn fabric to the wound, praying she stays unconscious.

No such luck.

“Ow,” she croaks. 

He swallows. “Everything’s going to okay. I just need you to lay still for me.”

She nods. 

“Got you pretty good.”

“Yeah.”

The wound’s stopped bleeding, at least a little. He zips up his jacket. 

“Am I wearing your jacket?”

“Yeah. Hold that.” He puts her hand over the lump that is the wound. “Okay. Alright. I’m going to move you.” He scoops her up again, gently, gently, but she still screws up her face and grits her teeth. “Sorry, baby, I’m sorry.” They make it to the trees just as snow starts to fall. He rests her against a tree, where she stares at the world with glazed eyes. He runs his hand through his hair. “Fire. Gotta make a fire.”

“You’re _made_ of fire, you idiot,” she slurs.

Right. He grabs a branch—green and damp. He’s working fast, so the pickings are slim, damp from snow, or too small. He throws a little ring at the heap. And yes, it ignites. Great. Signal fire. 

“How long ‘til they’re back?” Her voice is tiny, barely over a whisper. 

He winces. “I don’t know.” She looks so small and vulnerable swallowed in his jacket that way. He swallows and sits beside her, resting his back against the same tree.

“Missed you, when you left.”

“I shouldn’t have gone.”

“You’re an idiot, you know that?”

“Yeah. I know.”

The snow falls heavier, plopping softly on impact.

“Snow,” she whispers. “Little angels floating down.”

“Sure, baby.” She’s fevered. Hurry up, Beast.

“Cold out here.”

And now he’s worried about hypothermia. Isn’t the cure to keep moving? No can do, buddy.

“You’re like a furnace,” she mumbles, leaning into him. Her eyes slide shut. 

He wraps his arm around her, staring at the falling snow. What if she dies? There’s so much he didn’t get to say. Why didn’t he just go for it? Lack of control, my ass. In this case he had too much control. 

Not helping.

He focuses on the sound of her breathing. In…and out…in…and out…As long as he hears that, there’s still a chance she’ll live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a cliffhanger here…  
> Only two chapters left!


	9. Chapter 9

Hank found them in the snow, Jubilee unconscious and both of them freezing. Alex recovers quickly, the cosmic heat warming his frozen limbs. Jubilee, however, is put in the med bay. She’ll live, but the images of her frozen and bleeding in his arms will not leave him alone. He knows he won’t feel better until she wakes up. _If she wakes up_ , says a tiny voice.

Mystique briefs him on what happened after. Toad is being held prisoner. Charles is hoping he’ll join the X-men. Peter is going to be interviewed, because did he just want to spend Christmas with his dad? Or was there another motive? Charles is fine. The efforts of trying to reach Jean through the helmet exhausted him, but he made a full and fast recovery. They are all fine. Jubilee is the only one who is not.

Alex spends Christmas in the med bay, and yes, it’s very quiet, but not peaceful. He listens to music and the sound of her breathing. 

The day after Christmas, he sits with a cup of coffee, trying to read the news but failing. 

Her hand moves across the covers.

“Jubilee?” he whispers.

Her eyes come open slowly, and she turns her head to him. “Alex?”

“Hey.” He feels a laugh start in his throat and tears prick his eyes. “Hey, baby.”

She furrows her brow. “How long was I out?”

“A few days, not too long.”

Squinting, she cocks her head. “I wore your jacket, didn’t I?”

“Yeah. Yeah, you did.”

She blinks at him. “You need to wash it. It smells like smoke.”

That’s when the laugh comes bubbling out of him, wholesome and good. For the first time in too long, he’s getting enough air in his lungs. She’s alive. She’s okay. The world is sitting straight on its axis, and he is happy.

~

The first person he tries to find is Mystique. He hears her before he sees her, and jogs toward her voice.

“What were you thinking?!” she shouts.

Alex bursts into the room. 

Peter says, “I just wanted to get to know my dad. I didn’t plan on taking over the world with him.”

“Why didn’t you tell him before?! When he was here?”

“…He still doesn’t know.”

Her stance softens. “Oh.” She sighs. “Well, do you know what he was planning?”

Peter shrugs. “He kept saying he was making a better world. He built the tower as a amplifier for a message he was sending.”

“What message?”

“Don’t know. But he wanted the Professor out of the way, and then he wanted to keep the X-men from stopping him.”

“Did he want to kill us?” Alex asks.

Peter shakes his head. “No.”

So what the winged boy had said was not entirely true.

“Thank you, Peter,” Mystique says quietly. 

He leaves.

“Do you think he’ll be back?” he asks. She might know, or at least guess.

She shakes her head. “With Erik, it’s hard to tell. Probably not for a while.”

He looks at her, hard. “Why didn’t you tell me she found me? After Apocalypse, I mean.”

“She asked me not to. How could I disrespect her wishes?”

He takes a breath. “She’s awake.”

“Good.” Mystique turns to go. 

He starts to follow her.

“Alex?” She looks back at him.

“Yeah?”

“Straighten things out with her. Don’t you dare hurt her more.” She presses her blue lips together in a thin line.

He holds her gaze for a moment before she leaves the room. He does not follow.

~

He finds Jubilee in her room. He has not spoken to her for twenty-four hours (exactly; he counted; it was hard to wait). He planned out his speech, but it abandons him the moment he sees her. “Jubilee?”

“Alex.”

“Look, I need to tell you something.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Back in August—when I—you know—”

“Kissed me?”

“Yeah. Uh, I uh…” Words are not forthcoming.

“Listen, buddy. You left me with no explanation, and I expect one now.” She points a finger at his chest.

“Wow, you’re so grateful.” Perhaps not the way to straighten all this out.

“Yeah, thanks for saving my life and all, but it doesn’t make up for the real ass you were.” 

This is not going well. “Ass is correct.”

“Do you have an explanation to give me?”

He opens and shuts his mouth, at a loss.

“Didn’t you know how much I care for you?”

_I_ care _for you._ “No, I-I didn’t—”

“You stupid, hard-headed, numb-skulled…bozo!” she shouts. “How could you not know? I tried to show you so many times!”

“Alright, I’m a bozo. I’m sorry.”

“Are you blind? I practically threw myself at you!”

“Jubilee—”

“You ran off and left me! Without even saying goodbye! What the hell, dude? Kiss and run?”

He shifts from foot to foot. “Yeah, that was pretty awful of me.”

“No shit.” Her arms fall to her sides and she stares at him.

“Are you done?”

Tipping her head at an arrogant angle, she says, “ _You_ haven’t apologized.”

“I’m very sorry, Jubilee. I made a big mistake.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m so sorry. I am more sorry than you know.” He pauses. “I’m not leaving ever again. If you still…want me.”

The anger evaporates from her face. “Never?” Her voice sounds so small. He didn’t realize how much her hurt her until that moment.

“No, baby. Never.” He gives half a smile, raising his brow at her.

She smiles back in full. “You’re not allowed to leave like ever again!”

“Are you done now?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.” He crosses the distance between them in two strides, grabs the back of her head, and smashes his face into hers. She’s stiff, adjusting to the surprise, and he spares a second to panic that he hurt her stomach, but then she melts into him. She sighs into his mouth. They don’t say anything for a very long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [my tumblr](http://stillusesapencil.tumblr.com)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short little epilogue. It's been fun!
> 
> Thanks to my beta, [unconsciousxreality](http://unconsciousxreality.tumblr.com). She deserves all the love. It's all her fault anyway. [Here](http://stillusesapencil.tumblr.com/post/145834324525/unconsciousxreality-havok-lives-au-in-which) is the original aesthetic that got me started on this journey. 
> 
> It's been fun!

The first person they tell is Charles. He already knew (telepathy) and he gives them his blessing. The next people they tell are Scott and Jean, together.

Scott blinks at him. “You’re _dating_ her? You’re dating _her?_ ” His face is all scrunched up in disbelief.

Alex grins at him. “I had to stay one step ahead of you.”

“Yeah, but she’s like my age.”

“I know. If you have a problem with it, keep it to yourself.”

That shuts Scott up. 

Jean, however, is happy for them. “I knew it,” she says. “I just knew it.”

Jubilee rolls her eyes. “You’re a _mind reader._ Of course you knew it.”

After that, they don’t really tell anyone officially. Most people had suspected something anyway (Mystique, Hank) and those who hadn’t don’t dare say anything against them. Possibly because of the way Mystique has a habit of startling the dissenters by suddenly appearing near them whenever they appear to be gossiping.

To ensure the respectability of the school, Jubilee stays out of any of his science classes. It doesn’t bother him, he sees her every day now, and he’s _all_ for staying respectable. (He’s never been that respectable of a person. Who cares. He’s happy.)

Alex and Jubilee somehow manage to skip the awkward-dinner-stumbling-words stage of dating and move straight into the comfortable-teasing-cuddling stage of dating. That suits him just fine. He never cared much for the awkwardness of the beginning of a relationship. Not that he’s had a ton of relationships. 

He and Jubilee are doing great, better than great actually, and he plans to keep it that way for a long time. A really long time. 

Their first time is also her first time, and he does he tries to make it good for her, he really does. It still hurts, but she says the good stuff overrides it. He still feels bad, but after that it gets better. Lots better. Alex has not yet decided which part he likes best: the build up where she carries on eye-sex and teases him mercilessly, the middle where they are all passion and fire and groans and heated kisses, or the end, when they cuddle and he gets to hold her close to him. He determines that all of it is his favorite.

At some point some of her things migrate into his room (pajamas, her jacket, a toothbrush), and it sends a thrill through him, while also scaring him pantsless. No double entendres meant. It’s scary because she’s his to protect; to care for. At the same time it’s comforting to see her t-shirt crumpled on the floor and her jacket hanging on the chair. What’s better is rolling over to she her asleep beside him. If she hasn’t curled into him already, he likes to tuck his chin on her head and slip his arm over her. 

They spend most nights in his room (because it’s bigger and more private—perks of being a teacher), and no one is really sure when she officially moves in there. It just sort of…happens. And it’s great.

They get eight months before she has to go to college for two years to finish her degree. She’s going to Columbia College because it’s close and it advertises mutant-friendliness. 

Two weeks before she leaves they’re cuddling on the couch in the common room, the television sending flickering pictures into the dim room. “I wish you didn’t have to go,” he says into her hair.

“It’s only three and a half hours,” she says. “We can do that. We can visit each other every weekend if you want.”

“Can’t you just stay here?”

“You know why I have to go. Degree in history.”

He sighs. “Yeah. Promise you won’t go messing around with plain old human boys?”

She shifts to face him. “Cross my heart. I don’t cheat.”

He feels like crap for whining. She’ll be fine. But still. He leans in and kisses her, slow and lingering. “I just…I love you so much.”

She leans back from him. “I love you too.” She searches his face.

Oh. That was the first time they said _those words._ He’s been saying it in his head forever. He smiles slowly, hoping he looks at least a little sexy, but knowing he probably looks dopey. 

She smiles back, and leans in to kiss him again. 

Slowly he lies her down on the couch and she’s beaming at him, dark hair like a halo, and wow, she’s the most gorgeous thing he’s ever seen.

It’s late and the couch is comfortable and the students are all in bed and Hank will probably throw a fit if he finds out, but who cares about Hank? They have this, here and now, and it’s perfect. 

~

He goes to visit her in the fall. He’s been doing ok; they call on the regular. He’s even sent her a love letter or two, but words aren’t exactly his forte. Jubilee takes him around campus, showing him everything with such joy. Sitting on a park bench, she curls into his side and they people-watch. He’s so happy. 

His life is a series of befores and afters: before and after his powers; before and after Vietnam; before and after Apocalypse. But really, the only one that matters is before and after Jubilee. But unlike any of the others, this is not a one-time event, not just a single day that alters his life. Jubilee will stay with him and he will stay with her. Jubilee has made him a better person, and he does his best to make her life the best it can be. 

A group of frat boys pass by them. One glances at Alex and Jubilee and mutters, “Dirty old man.”

Ouch, that hurts. He didn’t think he looks that old. 

He gives their retreating backs the finger, at which Jubilee shakes her head. 

“Stop,” she says, smiling, and kisses him.

He pulls back to see her face. “Do _you_ think I’m a dirty old man?”

“No.” She leans in to kiss him again. “You’re an explosion.”


End file.
